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This Question Took My Breath Away

I was recently asked on a podcast, "If a time machine existed, would you go back in time and change things, as in rewrite history?"

Words escaped me as I mentally played out two opposing scenarios: alter destiny by preventing Aaron's death, or leave destiny untouched. As I rapidly daydreamed while the podcaster awaited my response, I felt a potpourri of emotions.

I answered (and this is a paraphrase, now that I've had more time to process), "That is a very difficult question. I light up inside at the notion of Aaron being alive today; for him to never feel the pain of death, and for the boys and me spared losing a man so deeply loved. Selfishly I would have chosen for him to stay on earth 60 more years.

It does add complication that I am now married to a man so easy to love. It's almost like being asked to pick a favorite child . . . we could not possibly.

But in the end, I must fixate on God. Each one of us is experiencing a divine countdown. Our days are numbered, and the Lord alone knows when we will take our final breath.

Would I dare be so foolish as to tell God that His plans are unacceptable?

Would I 'inform' the Creator that my ways are better?

Knowing God is weaving a beautiful tapestry in the lives of His followers, could I dare interrupt a masterpiece?

And so, as much as it hurts my heart to say it, my answer (with tears brimming) is I would not use the time machine. While Aaron's absence has brought me the deepest of sorrows, it has also increased my faith (and I hope others' faith as well). It has brought at least one person (that I'm aware of) into real relationship with Jesus. I do not want to sabotage the all-knowing God's plan. Knowing that Aaron is pain-free, experiencing joy I cannot fathom, provides immense peace as I await our heavenly reunion."

As we face deep difficulties, may we stay in surrender to the Father, the One who never leaves and never forsakes. May we grasp His unlimited love, faithfulness, and comfort.


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