The Text That Made Me Sob

My 4 sons only had 4-8 years with their amazing dad.

I may never know the full impact of Aaron's death on them.

My assumption is they will always be processing his passing. I am unsure if losing their father unexpectedly at a young age brings inward struggles with fear, trust, love, or faith. How grateful I am that each son loves Christ and seems content in life.

Aaron has lived in heaven nearly 13 years 4 months.

As a dad, he has been gone far longer than he was here.

Last month I texted my sons with photos of the incredible man who made them. It wasn't until I typed out these words that I broke down sobbing. I'm not sure I'd had a daydream quite like this before.

"May the Lord allow me to watch each one of you to reunite with him face to face in heaven!"

In my mind, I pictured being in heaven, standing off to the side as each of our boys locked eyes with their daddy for the first time since 2012, followed by the deepest, longest embrace.

Paul. Brad. Andrew. Joshua. One by one, eyes lighting up in relief that the painful separation has ended forever. The race run. The joy complete.

As I sob again while typing these words now, I see it all in my mind so clearly and I desperately want to witness these 4 unforgettable moments in Eternity (if it is God's will). And as much as I miss this amazing man and long for our first heavenly hug, I more deeply crave my sons being healed from grief and set free from sorrow.

It's hard to imagine forever, but it delights me to envision a father spending infinite days with our sons. All while praising our Savior!

Lord, thank You for giving and taking away. As the Author and Perfecter of our faith, may You be glorified and magnified because You are worthy. Thank You for choosing us and saving us. May we surrender to Your good, pleasing and perfect will.